1147

I am stranded in the darkness, rot strung along my fingertips, tasting bones—stab the light right through me, keep me, but I am lost, I am lost.

I don't know, and maybe you can only save the others, and sometimes you do it to save yourself, and you never will. and maybe I didn't jump in to save you, but just to drown.

don't leave me alone with this night. don't leave me alone.

at some point, you will have to face reality, the world. you will have to hang yourself on another tie, tear open their stomachs, and, smile

you are the same—you are alone—you are not getting better—you are not getting any closer.

the song in your throat, is just a creeping death, the coldest of heat, that records your misery, birds in your eyes, a monument for the corners of eyes.

but you try to keep a consistency, the last defense, the space between, the river of white, the punctuated wounds, the end.

(why don't you protect me?)

I can't even—I can't even—I can't even break into the tense. I can't make it through. I can't make it in. I can't be present.

I am absent from my blood, lost on a string

I want to talk like you, I want to wear those bones.

(breathe accurately.)

my face stretches out to fill my palms. my teeth ache to count the minutes. my throat burns with memories. my elbows will hunt you down. my knees thrash. my dreams swallow the light bulbs. my head just hurts. my heart will tear you apart.

can't, see? have to separate this, try to make it better, to die in. i can't break the rules of misery. the chemicals win, the chemicals win. need help, need safety, need to stop.