blue. blue. blue. blue. blue. blue.

i am feeling far away and i know this is not any form of prose, and i meant to be working prose, or else it really does not matter, or is not important, or people can't see how these things could ever be whole, matter. but i am feeling weird and reading extremely loud and incredibly close, and listening to el perro del mar - change of heart (j. rintamäki remix). and the air feels colder, and the rain has defied the sky, it is moving through your house, but only leaving itself on your face. and you are slow.

i was staring at the light bulb, and if you stare at the light bulb for long enough, you can see the light, you can actually see it. like fine hairs, slow pulsation, the light is trying to show that it exists. and just pulling the curtain open, and lying across the bed, and seeing how blue, and slow the world is. it feels like being underwater, through my teeth. and i can sympathise with the dog mat, and i can listen to mum say fuck, and the next song starts, and i still feel underwater.

i am meant to make a phone call, and learn to drive the new car, but i just feel strange.