if you could feel louder

I am scared now, and you don't even know, and I don't know if i can tell you. I am strange, and I am brilliant, and I can hold lightning. So why am I so afraid? That you will leave?

Lightning, it flashes so brightly, but fades away, it can't protect, only destroy.

I think the whole world is so well dressed, and shitty. I think they are so ugly in their masks, with eyes of the storm.

You feel this one way, that just leaves me to ruin. You hold your teeth, calculated and abandoned, dizzying in splendor, and then you leave. Why do you leave? Or why do you feel so falsely, these stunted kindnesses?

I want to ignite. I want you to die, if not for my pills of smoke. Like it was, with the little smiles. But it's already missing, moving through these cold, sad distances. Do you even know? Or are you racing me there? When I only want to destroy you because this is burning a hole in everything I understand. I wish you would come back. Hold my hand, slowly.