i think you need to understand that the violence won't ever leave you. there's no great moment where in, a single spark of starry breath, the war retreats. the violence is as intimate and threshing as the lover, and as much as it needs you, you need it. you need it to ask the question, you need it to know the answer. you need it to crack your skull, you need it to remind you, your skull can always still crack. you need all the paths it remembers, all the ruin it has traced, all the cracks of light from the corner of eyes. all the quiet eyes of violence are no fools.